So I flew First Class for Our Family Thanksgiving and, once again, I Have Plenty of Fodder for my Readers as My Seatmates Do Not Fail for Great Post Writing
Remember the last time I flew First Class? Well, this one was even better.
Flying TO New York From Phoenix
I was determined this one time to be really organized.
I tend to forget several things when I go out-of-town and so, this time, I made a list of what I was going to need, buy, and do before leaving.
I went down my list; Go to Walgreens, order a bunch of stuff online, hem and clean this great dress sent by my sister, etc.
I mean…I was soooo organized.
So, of course, driving to the Phoenix airport, my husband and I ONCE AGAIN got lost because the airport signs are really confusing. So we drove around the airport about 3 times.
(Not my husband)
We eventually found our way and, lo and behold, I had about 40 minutes to get my boarding pass, get to the right gate and gaze quickly into the stores to see if there was anything I HAD to have. Nope, nothing good to buy.
So….I figure that I still have time to go to the bathroom because I hate to use the bathroom on the plane and BAM! They started loading, Are freaking kidding me? It looked to me like I had another 20 minutes to go.
I bought this organizer for my purse a few days before and yet, again, I still couldn’t find my boarding pass so I was the last person for first class to board. If anything, the organizer made things HARDER to find.
I had a window seat, which is what I prefer, but the woman behind me asked if I would switch with her husband who was in the seat ahead of her on the aisle, so they could sit next to each other. I said, ‘Sure’, since that’s not such a big deal. Also, I never realized that the aisle seat is actually more comfortable.
So, who am I sitting next to now?! Drinking grandpa bathed in stinky cologne. He didn’t acknowledge me at all, but I took him in trying to remember all the details so I could remember to tell you all about it. I always feel like I HAVE to find out what people do or used to do for a living.
Lunch was chicken that you couldn’t make a dent in because it was so tough. with a roll which I ate and a salad that I passed on. Dessert was carrot cake that tasted nothing like carrot cake I’ve ever eaten before.
Actually, the food tasted like it went right from frozen to the microwave and you know how that never tastes good.
Grandpa ate everything like he lived in a place that denied him food.
A few interesting thing about my seatmate:
1) He had a manicure with clear polish .
2) He was wearing a gold, black face watch with gold on the 12:00 and the hands. I mean, who gave this poor guy a watch without numbers? Once we started talking, I asked him how he could tell time on that watch and he said he just guesstimates time. Wow. This guy needed like a grandfather clock strapped to his wrist.
3) He had a goal of getting as much alcohol into him before he would be cut off once the plane started moving. I mean, his drink order was so confusing that the stewardess (I know they’re not called that anymore but I can’t think of the word.) had to ask him 3 times to repeat it. The most I can remember is ______ vodka with a twist of lime with seltzer on the side. I mean, it was the kind of drink that took up all the space on his little table.
Anyhoo, we finally get in the air about a half hour late, and he’s got more drinks coming to him and right about the 4th drink, he turns to talk to me.
You have to realize that, except for the small time when the plane was taking off, this guy continued to drink that same crazy drink and went to the bathroom about 45 times.
So, this is where I get to find out that he’s 85 years old and he lives in Tucson and he was going to be with his daughter and grandkids for Thanksgiving. He had worked in retail his whole life. blah, blah blah….YAWN.
Now I’m ready for him to stop talking because I’ve learned everything I need to know.
All of a sudden, I had a LIGHT BULB going off on my head!
I had everything I needed for Thanksgiving, but I had NO CLOTHES at all for the next 2 days in New York.
How could that be? I was really proud of how I remembered all the stuff for the day, but nothing else. I decided that I would hit up the airport store and get a sweatshirt, since it was rainy and cold there.
So, grandpa’s talking, talking, talking and I go “Oh no! I have no clothes to wear except for Thanksgiving.
He seemed to genuinely feel bad about that and said: “Oh wow. How did you do that? I said I had no clue.
We really hit some bad spots because the turbulence was crazy-bad. Grandpa has like three glasses on that middle armrest and I have a coke and they’re all falling all over the place, so, he decides to stick any paper product he could find to sop it up and I had some kleenex and the whole area is one big, wet mess because the stewerdi (Plural?) couldn’t leave their seats.
So, we land in New York and it’s cold and rainy and I run off the plane to get to the store and call my ride. I stopped at the first souvenir shop I could find and saw these ugly NY sweatshirts in neon colors, but I was rushing so I got this neon pink atrocity for $30.00 and went looking for my brother outside and, of course, we were on opposite ends, so after about 45 minutes we find each other.
THE NEXT DAY WAS PERFECT and I don’t think I screwed up at all. (although, to be honest, everyone seemed pretty disgusted by the fact that I had no clothing to wear for Days 2 and 3.)
GOING HOME to Phoenix from New York
My Brother in law drove me to the airport which he knows like the back of his hand and we got there with no problems whatsoever. He could probably drive to the airport blindfolded he’s been there so often. (Thanks, B.)
This time I sit next to this guy that, once again, was soooo manicured and his clothing was pressed and perfect. Who are these people who dress up for a plane ride?
So, I’ve got a million people behind me so I try to do everything quickly.
First I put my giant coffee on the armrest in the middle. The guy gets up, helps me with the bag, He then asks if I would trade places with his boyfriend (?) so they could sit together and I’m like, Uh..sure, whatever,.WTH is it with these people having me move constantly because they can’t call in enough time to be able to sit with their mate . Then I put my coffee, bought in the airport, on the middle arm rest. I then threw my oversized sweater/coat to my seat which proceeds to spill coffee all over the seat, my purse, the middle armrest and it was a big mess. I think I got coffee on the guy because he wouldn’t talk me throughout the f5 hour flight.
So, anyway, I said, “ready to switch? However, once I spilled all the coffee, he decided his boyfriend(?) did not need to sit in coffee. So we all stayed in our seats.
I’m feeling very uncomfortable in my seat as it’s really wet and the guy next to me seems really angry after the unfortunate coffee incident. He just keeps using this stinky stuff to clear off his computer screen. I mean, he cleaned it like 5 times.
The one thing I noticed was that there were 2 women that had to weigh well over 300 pounds. I was curious to see if the airline made them buy two tickets. So, I went to the bathroom in Coach so I could check them out. The stewardess said that I had my own toilet in First Class. I said, “Thanks I know that. I wanted to stretch my legs.”
So, I saw the women were both looking perfectly comfortable in their seats and I felt good about that.
I then went to use the bathroom and someone had vomited all over it. Oh my gosh. Is it possible that the stewardess wasn’t the bitch I thought she was and was instead trying to save me from wandering into that disgusting bathroom. Naw….she was pretty much a bitch.
So, I go back to my seat and I’ve got the cutest steward who goes by the name, Sage. How great is that? Anyway, he felt pretty bad for me because he saw how it all went down and he brought me a big bottle of water. (Probably so he could watch me spill that all over everybody. I mean the employees need some fun too, right?)
This time I had ‘steak’ for lunch and again couldn’t get my fork and knife to work, so I just ate the carbs. The dessert, however, was pretty awesome: chocolate cake with chocolate sauce.
Anyhoo, there really wasn’t a lot more to tell about the flight.
When we got home, American Express called us and we found that when I went to buy my sweatshirt (and was the only time I used my card,) I was hacked for about 1,000.00, 690.00 of which was used for a plumber.
Thanks alot, New York! Hope you got that plumbing problem fixed,
So, technically, that ugly-ass sweatshirt cost me 1,029.00.
That’s pretty much it for this trip. Not bad, could have had better seatmates and the food really sucks no matter where you’re sitting.
Bankrate: 5 first-class tips to getting upgraded
BusinessInsider.com – A Flight Attendant Explains Why The Mile High Club Is A Bad Idea